Tuesday, January 25, 2011

A Chinese New Year Post

I am not going to whine about the suckiness of parenthood in this post.

I love being a father, love hearing my daughter call me ‘PAPA’, I love to show off my children wherever I go, dress them in the prettiest and hippest clothes, I love people to watch us a happy family of four, I love how my son’s fatty cheeks bounce like water balloons whenever I shake him, I love my life as a parent.

Sure, partying and late night movie days are now something only attainable from some galaxy far, far away, but life is better with company, with family.

Chinese New Year is round the corner, this call for a time of family bonding. Not just my wife, Angel(daughter), Kenzo(my son) and me, but the greater family as a whole, my dad, mum, brother and sister with their kids.

But with every year passing, it gets less lively, with less people coming over to our house for visits, and for me, obviously less gathering with friends. I used to have a tradition of heavy drunkard drinking at a certain bar with my friends on Chinese New Year eves. Now those days are but a fairy tale tucked in some book from the National Library. Heck, the bar I mentioned is now even closed down. But that is fine, my friends have all grown up, most with their kids tearing their hairs. Whoever still has the energy to ‘TA’ mugs of Bourbon and pints of Beer anymore?

But the family members, relatives distant and close, their visits have become somewhat shorter, with less members of their family turning up for the traditional ‘Pai Nian’. Well, the old ones they made sure that pop over year after year, my aunties and uncles, but their children whom a decade ago were still sucking lollipops and candies have all grown up to be rebellious teenagers, and I supposed, do not quite feel obligated to do the CNY visits anymore. Instead, I would guess they pretty much want to hang out with their friends making themselves general public nuisance.

Who is to blame them? I had gone down that road before, I had been a teenager too. I have taken up smoking in the past, had my share of public mischief, prowled the billiard rooms like some wannabe 'Ah Beng', kick asses in Arcade Centres playing Street Fighter, I understand all teenagers are assholes.

But come this Chinese New Year, let us all behave a little more sensible, and show some filial piety to our parents, who have sacrificed their entire life for us, who had tolerated our nonsense all our entire lives, let us have some quality time with our family together, and may the teenagers of the world be nice and polite and respectful to the elders for at least once this time of the year.

Or Uncle Ken will poke your ass deep deep with a 3 metre long billiard cue, yeah, all you suckers, I am now an elder too.. Don’t play play.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Break Point

It gets complicated, with one plus one.

That equates to two, of course.

Simple Math is a no brainer of course. But the science of it is.

Two babies.

You can multi-task at work, drive while you smoke and talk on the phone at the same time, or run while you listen to the ipod plus many more. There is no learning curve in these. But managing a 2 year old daughter and a 5 month old baby boy as a father, husband, son of my parents, son-in-law of my parents-in-law, plus running a small design biz, finding time to work out, and no social life is tough.

So that summed up the entire year for me.

Of course, all is not grim. I am basically putting down my lifestyle in a factual manner. You cannot measure the joy of parenthood with anything. It simply does not make sense to do that.

But still, learning to cope with 2 kids of my own is like tearing your hair and burning it with fire and then pouring water over your head.

I love my daughter, and I love my son, both, extremely.

But I have yet learned to manage giving love to them equally in the fairest equation.

My daughter is having the hardest time of her life. Imagine a little brother comes into her life, the little member has everyone is the household glued to him like a precious gem, she gets neglected, NATURALLY. Come on, do not educate me with some diplomatic stupid answer that she still gets treated fairly. I don’t buy bullshit.

So she clings on to me like the Koala from down under, wailing in protest when I have to leave for work. This is also natural. I have fed her since she was a little baby, woke up numerous times in the middle of the night losing my sleep for her, bathe her every day, clean her poop and change her pampers every day, do just about everything with her every single fucking day, especially when the mum was pregnant and had to leave most of the chores to me. What do ya expect. She is only TWO. You can’t reason with her effectively. Sure she makes noise and she cry if I carry her brother, but what the fuck do you expect, this is life.

Back to my son, the cutest boy on the planet. And he is just about the happiest boy you’ll ever meet. He laughs like he’s watching a comedy all the time. And I’ll love to play with him all day. But the fact is I can’t. There are also times I feel extremely guilty not paying as much attention to him like I did with his sister when she was a tiny baby. But I CAN’T. We have 2 kids now, and playing the no neglect game is extremely tough. But yeah, life, like I said, is like that.

So there is no direct equation, no fairness in such matters, as with all things in life.

It pains me to see my daughter being chided all the time for making all the noise, clinging on to me, and me only. But she is not at fault. The nature of things is. But why do members of the family shake their heads when they see her misbehaving. The little girl has no idea, the more she is being loathe, the more she wants to cling on to me. She has no freaking idea, I bet this is the most stressful thing she had ever encountered in her life, and the only thing she knew is “at least I still have my dad”.

I do not blame anybody for anything, life is a bitch anyway, blame life.

But give me a break sometimes, I have done my best. If my best is not enough, I’ll do better.

But I do need a fucking break. I have been a dutiful dad for the past 2 years over. I need to party now, even if it is just one day. I really need one mad crashing party. Perhaps I will get my wish this year in 2011. To be fair to me.

Happy Fucking New Year.

Post dedicated to Angel, Kenzo, and May.