Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Break Point

It gets complicated, with one plus one.

That equates to two, of course.

Simple Math is a no brainer of course. But the science of it is.

Two babies.

You can multi-task at work, drive while you smoke and talk on the phone at the same time, or run while you listen to the ipod plus many more. There is no learning curve in these. But managing a 2 year old daughter and a 5 month old baby boy as a father, husband, son of my parents, son-in-law of my parents-in-law, plus running a small design biz, finding time to work out, and no social life is tough.

So that summed up the entire year for me.

Of course, all is not grim. I am basically putting down my lifestyle in a factual manner. You cannot measure the joy of parenthood with anything. It simply does not make sense to do that.

But still, learning to cope with 2 kids of my own is like tearing your hair and burning it with fire and then pouring water over your head.

I love my daughter, and I love my son, both, extremely.

But I have yet learned to manage giving love to them equally in the fairest equation.

My daughter is having the hardest time of her life. Imagine a little brother comes into her life, the little member has everyone is the household glued to him like a precious gem, she gets neglected, NATURALLY. Come on, do not educate me with some diplomatic stupid answer that she still gets treated fairly. I don’t buy bullshit.

So she clings on to me like the Koala from down under, wailing in protest when I have to leave for work. This is also natural. I have fed her since she was a little baby, woke up numerous times in the middle of the night losing my sleep for her, bathe her every day, clean her poop and change her pampers every day, do just about everything with her every single fucking day, especially when the mum was pregnant and had to leave most of the chores to me. What do ya expect. She is only TWO. You can’t reason with her effectively. Sure she makes noise and she cry if I carry her brother, but what the fuck do you expect, this is life.

Back to my son, the cutest boy on the planet. And he is just about the happiest boy you’ll ever meet. He laughs like he’s watching a comedy all the time. And I’ll love to play with him all day. But the fact is I can’t. There are also times I feel extremely guilty not paying as much attention to him like I did with his sister when she was a tiny baby. But I CAN’T. We have 2 kids now, and playing the no neglect game is extremely tough. But yeah, life, like I said, is like that.

So there is no direct equation, no fairness in such matters, as with all things in life.

It pains me to see my daughter being chided all the time for making all the noise, clinging on to me, and me only. But she is not at fault. The nature of things is. But why do members of the family shake their heads when they see her misbehaving. The little girl has no idea, the more she is being loathe, the more she wants to cling on to me. She has no freaking idea, I bet this is the most stressful thing she had ever encountered in her life, and the only thing she knew is “at least I still have my dad”.

I do not blame anybody for anything, life is a bitch anyway, blame life.

But give me a break sometimes, I have done my best. If my best is not enough, I’ll do better.

But I do need a fucking break. I have been a dutiful dad for the past 2 years over. I need to party now, even if it is just one day. I really need one mad crashing party. Perhaps I will get my wish this year in 2011. To be fair to me.

Happy Fucking New Year.

Post dedicated to Angel, Kenzo, and May.


Anonymous said...

Heartpouring post. Point taken! - Ur Sis.

Twilight said...

Eh you came back to blog?? You are going through the exact stress like all fathers. Back in old days, how did the father cope with 10 kids? Were the kids less demanding in those days? A nurse friend told me that we Asians bring the kids up in the wrong manner since birth and suffer all the stress you just mentioned... Never mind her, the Asian kids are closer and more obedient. My brother often bought toys for the older kid and told him that his newly arrived sister brought them. The trick worked sometimes and his stress got lesser eventually. They both started playing together in the end, ignoring the parents!


aww... papa ken is kinda frustrating right now i see :) no worries....you will get used to it soon...

btw, i thought i remember u say i'm the cutest boy ever in this planet? why now change a new version? lol~ can i still be the cutest boy in malaysia zone? hahaha

good luck of becoming a dad of 2 ... maybe the 3rd one coming soon? lol

happy new year

A Common Singaporean said...

Anonysis - Life sucks. But I like how the way it sucked. I mean, as a baby you already sucked, first by sucking that big thumb all the time. And then that tip of the milk bottle, and then the lollipop when u grow up, and then all the way up, some still do, sucking up to their bosses. That's what make life so enjoyable to live and watch. Welcome to motherhood! And have a good life ahead.

Twilight - I am not a blogger anymore, I came back to bitch about life, talks for hearing me whine. You have been awesome, the rest of the guys have all left!! hahaha!

L2 - Sorry man, opinions changed over time, people change you want. But yeah, you can still be the cutest, after my son. :P

Shionge said...

I am so behind time but not too late to Congratulate you on the arrival of your Baby Son...>Whopee!!! Also, wishing you Happy CNY.....soon soon ang pow giving gonna stop soon.

Enjoy PapaHood Ken :D

Shionge said...

Xie Xie for visiting me and your second one is already one???? So now you are an experience papa huh? :)