Wednesday, July 8, 2009

A Rooster's Tale

When viewed from the side, it looks like a cross between a parrot, a hedgehog, and a rooster. Meet it head-on frontal, its a swoosh of broom swipe trimmed to resemble a gigantic paint brush. The back facade is fine art at its best, it is an installation art form made up of an entangled load of farm hay. It is designed to make parents nag and propel hair clay companies to another year of indecent profit. Yes, this is my new haircut and the reason to my sore arms and neck. Arms because I have to spend five minutes every fucking morning pushing those damn strands up so that it will not be mistaken as unkept grass from Lim Chu Kang Cemetery. Neck because laying on a head rest is now history as doing so will result in forfeiting all the morning efforts in styling the hair. Vanity has its price.

Creative people can sometimes snap. Inspirations come and the sense of adventure clouds practicability. I am talking about my hairstylist, not me, who coincidently shares the same name as I do, Ken. (I will like to be seen as the victim here) I know I can be adventurous when it comes to personal style of grooming. Like the time when I had my hair touching down on my shoulders that resulted in an SIA air stewardess mistakening me as a "miss" instead of "mr", and the auntie who offered me to co-seat with her on the bus and then frozed dumbfolded when I turn to meet her eye to eye. She probably had at that moment met the "ugliest female" on the planet. I have done so many different hair styles all these years but never this rooster head. This is on par with the punk level. This positioned me alongside the "Ah Beng" demographic. Hang a gold chain on my stiffened neck and pop a cigarette in between my lips and I can start collecting protection money.

It was so bad my adored daughter could not recognise me when I first came home after the snipe. She had her mouth wide opened with an unsure look for a good ten seconds or so and then turned towards her mum for confirmation whether the punkster would be her father. That repeatedly happened for a few times before she finally got settled down and resigned to the fact that her vain dad is a hopeless case of a 35 year old man trying to look a punky 25 years in age, and obviously one who sucked at it.

"You look like a Lao (old) Ah Beng!" - My mum's comment.

"What kind of hairstyle is that wearing on your son's head?" - My dad's comment towards my mum.

"This hairstyle is ok. On it's own." - My wife's comment.

"And certainly not the kinda hairstyle for a man of your age." - My wife added.

"Siao Kia (crazy punk). One of those crazy idiots on Harley Davidson bikes." My wife further added.

There were other hurls of unkindly comments which i shan't continue to elaborate. They were all under the same category of insults and verbal abuse anyway. Truth is, to a certain degree I have to admit these accusations sounded all so true. I am no
longer in my freakin teens to slice stares in a parrot hairdo, and my wrinkles definitely doesn't match the wavy spikes. My "chao bin" (smelly face in hokkien) escalate the "Beng" factor even further. So, am I doom??

Nah. More than a week had passed since the Ah Beng invasion to the household. The world had finally resumed it's norm. Because my mum had apparently been hoaxed. (I told her a lie, that I would trim the parrot off my crown). As for my dad, comment no. 2 never left my mum's ear but it has been turned into a deaf ear anyway. My wife? She's liking the hairdo now. All woman fancy a little bad ass attitude in a man anyway right. And that is the reason why girls fall for bad boys right. Well, yes, of course... except that I look like an over aged 'Beng' instead of a suave 'Bad Boy' in his masculine persona. I merely said that to humor my own pathetic self. So don't you all go puke in the toilet bowl.

My nonsensical analogy aside, matter of factly, it is a simple case of getting used to. Over time, hype and shock spins away with the rotating hour and minute hand eventually. So, the moral of the story? It doesn't matter what the heck you did to your hair, skin it, dye it pinkish with a dash of electric blue, or model it after a porcupine and garnish it with a rooster's tail, all verbal insults will die away over time. Instead, go with NIKE's gungho attitude, "Just fuckin' Do It!"

And this is just what I am going to do next up, the porcupine head! Join me anyone?

Sorry about the 'F's. Eh hello! You are talking about "Ah Beng" here leh!!


*I wrote this on a bullshitting myself context. I ain't gonna do another funk head. I am just venting my insecurities away. I have to give credit to the missus who had been a kind support so far on this issue although a little too shocking for her to handle initially. I am also beginning to like this hairstyle of mine. Did I mentioned I will be coloring it at the salon tomorrow? Just pray that the outcome isn't a chin cheong gold!! So I guess the true moral of the story is, ultimately I am still a vain bastard!! HAHAHA!

35 comments:

Twilight Zone said...

Hello KFC, I think I like your long hair, so gaya and comel. LOL

::. Anton ::. said...

HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA....i wld have killed the stylist, before turning the parang onto myself!

I truly, truly enjoyed this post, Ken
+Ant+

Daniel Ng said...

Ken, I seconded Anton idea, Killed the stylist, ROFL!

foongpc said...

Haha! Very funny post. Can't stop laughing! Vanity does have its price.

About your moral of the story... It doesn't matter what the heck you did to your hair, skin it, dye it pinkish with a dash of electric blue, or model it after a porcupine and garnish it with a rooster's tail, all verbal insults will die away over time. Instead, go with NIKE's gungho attitude, "Just fuckin' Do It!"

Michael Jackson just did it too with his face but the verbal insults did not die away over time : )

Bengbeng said...

best looking rooster i have seen all day. seriously it is quite okay... if one is not overly conscious of one's appearance and if one's career is independent of one's looks :)


sorry, sorry... i was teasing you :)

Bengbeng said...

Ken, thanks for visiting my blog :) recently mylongkang has been running dry where comments are concerned. sometimes it feels like I am churning out posts nobody is reading :)

A Common Singaporean said...

Yo Twilight - I had that eerie long hair for 2-3 years. Whenever the wind blew and my hair smacked against my face through and fro multiple times I always had the delusion I damn fucking handsome. Can you even believe it?!!

Yo Anton - You are not making this any better for me pal. Just when I am starting to admire this cock hair... Wahahahaha. I am happy you enjoyed this post, despite at my expense!! LOL

Daniel - Sigh, I am living with this crop until the next hair cut. Perhaps to make both you and Anton laugh even further..., this is actually a "director's cut".

Foong - Another one who laughs at one's misery!! But I am glad at least all of you had a good laugh.

Beng Beng - You are practically telling me one is good looking when the face is covered by both hands. Sigh, another attack to my bruised soul. LOL

Hey!!! I am reading your posts! I don't comment all the time either, only comment where the heart goes. I think a lot of us are like that. I enjoyed your posts becos of the interesting things in Sibu, a sort of place where we don't get in Singapore. And of course, I am observing your parenting towards Beng Hui, as I have much to learn.

::. Anton ::. said...

Director's cut??? I'd make him walk the plank ..... off a high rise! lolz

+Ant+

A Common Singaporean said...

Ant - And yes, Foong will point a gun at his back while you are at it.

::. Anton ::. said...

yup, Foong will get his entourage of spammers to join him to spam bullets into that "director" stylist.

Btw, the saloon has got a CEO and ED kah? LOLZ

+Ant+

Twilight Zone said...

Yeah la you were fucking hansem then. If you had your KFC hair, maybe your wife would have fallen for someone else! Just kidding.

Shionge said...

Aiyo 'swee' lah, trust me ok :) Long or short also suits you fine but I think spiky one better lor can 'sian' lao aunty like me hehehhee...

PS: I might be old mama with two teenagers but deep now this aunty can also cheong and go clubbing one ok ;)

A Common Singaporean said...

Ant - The director's cut guy is apparently the CEO! He's da BOSS and he's got em bloody BALLS (to cut thy rooster head). And please don't antagonize Foong. One spam war is enugh. hahahahaha.

Twilight - HAHAHAHA!! Any girl would run off when tackled by such a KFC owe beat me up face! You are not wrong! I was hansem eh? WAS, was... pass me that hanky will you, sob..

Shionge - WOW!! You simply rock!! You are one stylo mama! I haven't been to clubbing for a loooong time. Please lah, you are not lao auntie lah, you look so young!! And thanks for giving me the thumbs up for this hair. hahahaha. Now I just need to train my sian tao tongue hahaha.

kenwooi.com said...

wah drastic hairdo!
cool man! but i'll do the roaster like you! hahaha.. =P

kenwooi.com

Leu said...

lolZ~ lao ah beng... new name for u frm now on... :P

the new hairstyle is really fashionable, but dun suit ur age lo~ sorry have to say like this...

when u r in ur long hair... u look like "zhu xiao tian" frm F4 ... :)

Medie007 said...

lol. i was looking forward for a more trojan-y hairstyle, like u know, the brooms?? LOL

but yeah, it looks fine. very ah beng, but i guess u still don't look like one.

A Common Singaporean said...

kenwooi - Come lah, join me!! You'll make a wolverine head will ya?

Leu - Nice chat over the msn. You definitely had a great open chat liner : Lao ah beng. LOL

It's true, my face is already forming wrinkles and the lines by my cheek is so deep now. The sides are also drooping, kid u not, I age quite badly for a 35 yr old. I look somewhat out of place in this hairdo. But I am sticking to it!! (already spent $$ on this lah)

Medie - Trojan Y!? Oh my!! Would have already shot myself if that was the case, let alone had the mood to type all this crap into a post!! And thanks for being kind on the Ah Beng issue. I know I don't look like one, they r all just jealous of my handsome hair now...

Bengbeng said...

Ken, i was a little worried my teasing comment might offend you :) Sometimes I go overboard :)

Seeing your face in the rooster post, prompted me to do the penthouse spread as in my fishing and playing post, i am alone under the waterfall. I am now like a little whale. Big whale flooding the river. So fat now. I am not a rooster but a whale :)

foongpc said...

Hey, why include me in Anton's hideous plan to kill the stylist? I'm no murderer : )

And I don't have an entourage of spammers who spam bullets! haha! This is so ridiculous and funny!! Whoever heard of such a thing? : )

Maybe the stylist is good with bullets, you know, like Neo from Matrix so my entourage will be pretty useless : )

foongpc said...

Btw, Ken, I'm dropping by to say hi at 1.22am and I'm trying my best not to spam. Oh, it's hard!! : )

A Common Singaporean said...

Beng Beng - You worry too much! Just have fun here. This is the place where I unwind and talk cock. Please do the same, just shoot me openly and tease however you like! (and I promised to do the same to u at mylongkang, muahahahahah!!!)

Foong - I figured out Ant will need an accomplice. heeheehee. And Foong, M E R C Y please ...

E.T said...

just out of curious, where u had ur haircut?

maybe i can give it a try? ha ha ha

A Common Singaporean said...

Hello ET - Thanks for popping by my blog. I had the cut at KENARIS
4th level wheelock place. Initially I needed time to get use to it, because of the ppl ard me. They had a greater shock. I was kinda lovin the hairstyle. Actually it is quite stylo. It's just that I am a little too old for this :) But I wouldn't care less now, in fact I love it more each day now that it had been 2 weeks since the cut.

E.T said...

well... i think u look good with short hair! :p

Bengbeng said...

actually i think being a rooster suits yr bogging style.... u know..like a rooster early in the morning hahahahahhahahahaah

foongpc said...

Hi Ken, dropping by here at 11.03pm : )

A Common Singaporean said...

ET - You hv also been kind to me. THANKS! I hope u are recovering well.

Beng Beng - Sigh. Of course. I have to steal time in the wee hours to do so! I wonder how u managed yr time. Work, gym, benghui, family, friends, fishing trips, waterfall trips, and u can still blog frequently!!

Foong - I have learnt my lesson. Spare me!

Medie007 said...

HANDSOME HAIR??? OMG. hahahha. handsome face lar. ur face dun have all those scars from parangs or watever baseball bats mar. :P

i see u got spammed to. hahahahaha

foongpc said...

hi ken, thanks for dropping by my blog. I expect to see a new post here today. What is this?! This post is like, 2 weeks old! LOL! : )

foongpc said...

Hey, you better start a new post or I'll start spamming! haha! *just kidding*

foongpc said...

Wow! You dreamt about the solar eclipse? I think you have talent in dreaming. Last time you dreamt about your baby and now this! Maybe you should start recording down all your dreams. Probably there are messages in them : )

MiChi said...

what happen to your blog? natural death? haha

Gratitude said...

Eh Lau kowboi! Your blog is all mouldy ...... :P

Medie007 said...

*uhuhk uhuk* cough cough... so dusty one???

A Common Singaporean said...

Foong, Michi, Gratitude, Medie -

Thank you for coming by even tho the blog is decorated with dust. I wanted to update the blog. It seems the image upload function is currently unavaible. I will wait for blogspot to put that function in b4 my update. Stay tune. And cheers.